Stories

Day 1 - Appreciating Your Parents

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As we get older, the more obvious it is that our parents played such an important role to shape us into the adults we are today. Lately, I have been counting my blessings on how lucky I am to have both my parents, Kevin and Mary, side by side, every step of my journey. As I reflect on who my parents truly are and what they value, it is crazy how much of their characteristics, values, and personalities have blended into who I am at 31 years old. My dad, Kevin, has been the hardest working, most caring man I know. He’s reserved, soft-spoken, and conservative. But just like me, when he speaks, people listen. My mom, Mary, on the other hand, is the life of the party, could talk a dog off a bone, and has the sharpest memory I’ve ever seen (this has it’s pro’s and con’s, believe me). Mom, I if you're reading this I mean that in the nicest way possible :)

parents, thank you, happiness, movement, new jersey, 90's kidI get my hard working, “help-everyone” attitude from my dad, but can put to use my mom’s outgoing personality to strike up conversations to network and connect people together. I’m most grateful that the memory gene has been passed onto me and it comes in handy while building relationships with everyone I meet.

I grew up a simple life. I am an only child, but lucky enough to have many cousins around, that at several times, felt like brothers and sisters. My parents never gave me more than I needed, but always seemed to make things work even if times were tight or something seemed out of reach. Perfect example: My senior year of high school in 2002, I had the opportunity to visit Wales and England because of an exchange program my golf coach set up every four years. I'm pretty confident no one in my family has traveled overseas and every way they could, they supported this once in a lifetime experience. I thank you both everyday for this.

Here’s a snapshot of how they’ve inspired me, what they taught me, and what you can take away.

How they inspired me: As I reflect to answer this question, I know they want me to be happy. I never had pressure to become “successful” or follow a family member’s footsteps. They allowed me to be who I wanted to be, but when I reached out for help, they are there.

What they taught me: They taught me that there’s always a way to “make it work.” Whether it relates to finances, marriage, family, or career you can find a way to solve the problem, move forward, and look to the bright side.

#NicheTip: What I'd like you to take away from this post is that there is someone out there that has or is going to someday shape your life.

1. Don’t take them for granted and let them know they influenced you.

2. Reflect on how they have inspired you and pass that onto others.

3. If you want something bad enough, find a way to “make it work.”

How I Found My Niche

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I can still remember when I was 7 years old...all I did was play with Legos and pipeworks. It wasn’t just the playing, it was the building and construction that I loved. Arriving at the finished product of the Lego toy pictured on the box came easy to me and my imagination was probably at it’s peak.

If you asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life I would have said an engineer or architect.

After picking up my first golf club, and subsequently falling in love with the game in 1998, I traded in Legos for drivers and putters.

If you were to ask me again in high school where my life was headed I would have said a “PGA Director of Golf.”

After being inspired by great teachers and coaches in high school, I went on to college. Early on in college, if you asked me what I would do in life, I would have said “teacher.”

Everyone’s had these moments or has been asked the question “what do you want to do when you grow up?”  (unfortunately, too many times). Well, I am letting you all know I don’t have that answer yet, but everyday since I launched the Niche Movement in January 2013, I feel closer to it.

In this journey, I have been very fortunate to have so many friends, relatives, and colleagues support my endeavor. Over the next 30 days, I am going to share who these people are and how they have helped me inch closer to finding my niche. This isn't going to be all about me, but truly it is a story of the heros and influencers in my life. This is about the people that inspired me, motivated me, picked me up when I was down, told me to take a risk or told me I was a leader.

Lastly, I plan on injecting as much personality, emotion and authenticity into my posts as these people at one time or another have been near and dear to my heart.

Enjoy, and thank you for reading.

#NicheTip: Take 15 minutes a week to reflect on those that are important in your life that have helped you get to where you are today and thank them.

Day 1 - Appreciating Your Parents

Day 2 - Pushing Your Comfort Zone

Day 3 - Best Man or Better Man

Day 4 - Let Your Talents do the Talking

Day 5 - The First Big Pivot: How a Conversation Changed the Trajectory of my Life

Day 6 - They Said I was Leader...Here's What Happened Next

Day 7 - The Ripple Effect

Day 8 - Office Crashers: When I asked for Help I got More Than I Imagined

Day 9 - The 2nd Pivot: A New Career Path & A Boss That Believe in Me 

Day 10 - Learning Relational Leadership

Day 11 - Take Time for the Most Important People Around You

Day 12 - Build Your Network Before You Need It

Day 13 - Taking Advantage of an Opportunity

Day 14 - What Can Happen When People Believe In Your Vision

Day 15 - How to Make the Most of Your Days

Day 16 - People Come Into Your Life for a Reason

Day 17 - Other Duties as Assigned: Not Always a Bad Thing

Day 18 - How I Learned to Get Things Done with Purpose & Personality

Day 19 - Life as You Climb: Creating Environments Where Everyone Can Thrive

Day 20 - Running Toward Your Passion

Day 21 - Putting Intentionality and Efforts Into Your Relationships

Day 22 - Activators vs. Cheerleaders: How To Find Action Oriented Supporters In Your Network

Day 23 - 3 Ways To Tell Your Story In A Noisy World

Day 24 - There Are No Gatekeepers

Day 25 -Could Twitter Lead You Onto The Set Of A Documentary? It Did For This Student

Day 26  - How A Movement Gaines Momentum After One Year

Day 27 - Sometimes It's More Dangerous To Be Cautious 

Day 28 - The Remarkable Story of Passion Project Turned Start Up

Day 29 - Silencing The Negativity To Unleash Greatness

Day 30 - I Found My Niche

How A Coffee Table Changed My Life

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After spending 3 years in college and changing my major more times than I care to admit, I still had no idea the direction in which I wanted to take my career. I was sitting in the living room of my apartment with my roommates late one night and as I uncrossed my legs to stand up, I hit my foot on the coffee table, shattering the bones. An injury that eventually left me bedridden with a metal pin sticking out of the top of my foot for three months, and forced me to drop out of college. I didn't realize it then, but the circumstance I thought would be detrimental to my future actually ended up being the beginning of it.I had always been discouraged from majoring in the things I enjoyed because they “didn't make enough money” and the things that did make “enough money” bored me to the point of tears. So for 3 years, I wandered the campus feeling lost, just trying to make it past the next exam with no real sense of security concerning what my future might hold. The truth was, I didn't want to be in college. I didn't feel like it was for me, but my high school guidance counselors seemed to have conspired with my mother to convince me that it was the only option after high school.

After coming out of my post surgery haze, I realized I was faced with a very difficult decision. I could either return to college to please my mother or I could take the time to figure out what it is that I wanted to do and if i wanted to go back at all. Eventually I caved in to the pressure and began preparing to return to school. I applied for a job close to a campus at a local university where I planned to enroll and planned to work there while I went back to school. It was a live on position at an extended stay hotel. I got the job, and it took me two weeks to realize that this was exactly what I was meant to do. I enjoyed every aspect of the job and found myself missing work when I wasn’t working as opposed to watching the clock waiting to get off. This unexpected discovery invigorated me with a new sense of motivation and compelled me to take control of my own life. So for the first time in my life, I told my mother “no.” I was not going to go back to college. (At least for the time being.) I was not going to be a lawyer. I was not going to be a doctor. I was not going to resign my happiness for a dollar amount or a corner office. I was going to do what made me happy. June 1st will make two years since i’ve been with the company. I’ve worked very hard and been met with the same dedication from the company in return. Within my time here i've gotten promoted and been rewarded with some amazing opportunities. I've never, even for a second, regretted my decision and I couldn’t be more pleased with the career path that i've chosen. Now to be clear, I definitely do not recommend injuring yourself or dropping out of college on a quest to accidentally find a career. My story is odd to say the least, but there are some key elements that can be taken away and applied towards finding (or figuring out) your niche.

Make the best of the worst. Don't let a temporary set back permanently keep you from getting ahead. Many times it’s hard to see how you will make it through tough times, but as cliche as it sounds there is very often a silver lining. If there isn't a silver lining, create one. I don't know that I believe there’s a reason for everything, but I do believe you can achieve a positive outcome from anything. It’s all about your perspective and how you choose to react to whatever is thrown your way.

Disregard the traditions. For me, college just was not a good fit. I still wholeheartedly believe in education, I just choose to educate myself in other ways. I only stayed as long as I did because it was “what I was supposed to do.” There is no right way to do life. You have to figure out what’s right for you. Find whatever path to success is the one that you enjoy and stick with it.

Know when to say “no.” There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you mean it. Follow your intuition and stick your guns. Figure out what your priorities are and use those to guide our decisions. If you are being pushed towards something you do not want, be it by a family member or guidance counselor, push back. Be confident about what it is you want and work hard towards it.

Keep an open mind. You may not know what makes you happy until you try it. When opportunities arise, take advantage of them. Try new things and you just may be surprised what fits you. The future may not look the way you imagined, but it may pleasantly surprise you if you give it the chance.

 

Sometimes it's easy to forget how big the world is and once we forget that we tend to view our options as limited. If you keep in mind how big the world around you actually is, it makes sense that there are so many other ways to be successful and find your niche than the ones you have been taught. So stop whatever it is you are doing that is not serving your happiness or pushing you towards your goals. It may seem scary at first, but that one thing you try when everyone is telling you not to, just may be your niche.

 

Skip the 4.0

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Student leadership student affairs grades graduation college It is a hectic, stressful, hair-graying, frustrating, schedule-juggling, if-she-emails-me-one-more-time beautiful and life-changing experience. It is college and it is freakin’ awesome. They say that students nowadays are willing to pay ridiculous amounts of money to obtain a higher education that offers the “full college experience.” Let’s get one thing straight: I can tell you right now they don’t mean classes. Universities across the nation are raising tuition costs left and right because, among other expenses, they are competing with one another to offer all the different programs, services and opportunities young America is so desperately looking for.

Why, then, is so much emphasis put on academics? Although academic success is necessary, I mean, you are paying for it after all, the most important aspect of college is not killing yourself to get the best grade possible. It’s not pulling unhealthy all-nighters or being the first person to raise your hand after the professor’s every question. College life is about succeeding in the classroom while also participating in extracurricular activities that help to develop you as a student and as a potential employee. What matters is your ability to maintain that strong grade point average while also keeping up some sort of interactive, non-academic life. The ability to juggle your overall student experience - classes, work, clubs, fun - is what employers want to see because once college is over, you’ll need to juggle a whole lot more - work, bills, commute, life. And this is what you’re paying for.

 As a Rutgers student I was involved with the Student Life department since my college career began. I served on a few different student organizations and volunteer groups, both run by the Student Life department. Through my involvement with the department, I became an official member of the Student Life family, which at RU is a very highly recognized and respected group of talented, enthusiastic and innovative students. Along with Student Life, I was involved with Dining Services, Career Services and Athletics. Unfortunately, I had to graduate but – here’s the good news – unlike many post-grads, I graduated with a job offer.

My full-time job, however, was not earned from my degree or my course studies or my grades. I got this job because I had experience in programming, event-planning and leadership. Being involved in college can help you to learn many desired work-related skills such as time management, problem solving, and responsibility. But it can also do so much more, trust me. Becoming involved in organizations and clubs while in school can help you to build lifelong friendships, develop your leadership skills and most importantly build a strong, close-knit network of professionals for your job search. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The first and easiest part about getting involved at school is that you get to make friends! It is highly likely that the groups you join will comprise students with similar interests, otherwise, why join the group? These settings are a great place to blow off some steam about school and have some fun while doing it. Not to mention, there is almost always free food at student events so you’ll even get a free meal every once in a while. Score! You can try new things like different cultural foods, recreational activities and explore new locations on campus. Although many organizations have obligations to meet and goals to accomplish, somehow it doesn’t seem so bad getting things done with friends.

Secondly, organizing different programs, meetings, and conferences can be very difficult even for professionals. Getting involved on campus will deliver you the necessary knowledge, skills, and abilities required in the professional world. Even as an underclassman, you can find a plethora of leadership opportunities on campus from becoming a general member of an organization to starting your own club. These kinds of activities are huge resume boosters as they prove to potential employers that you are able to lead a group of students and act in a professional manner to complete a goal. As a student leader, other students will come to you for advice, suggestions and mentoring. Over the course of your years in school, you can move up the ladder and take on leadership responsibilities as you become more skilled. The progression in leadership will show employers that you are capable, reliable and dedicated.

Not only will you make friends and become a leader, you’ll have unlimited opportunities to network with the extremely talented professional staff at your school. As a student leader you can meet professionals from many offices including career services, academic advising, dining services and many, many more. The professional staff are excellent references and resources to have in your future as they will be the people you work very closely with to progress your student’s organization. These people will be able to vouch for your success as an involved student and employers will trust their expertise more so than, say, a professor who barely knows your name. Your place as an involved student will also get you to experience diversity, first hand. Interaction with other students, faculty, and staff, creates an opportunity to learn something about yourself, others and the world around you.

You may be thinking, “Why would I want to take on more work?” or “I don’t have time for anything else.” My argument is that when you’re doing something you love, work is not a job. Being involved at school shouldn’t be perceived as a chore. It is an amazing, life-changing opportunity to meet people who are both similar to and different than you. Your training and experiences will give you specific skills and abilities that employers are looking for. And you’ll significantly expand your network of references by interacting with professional staff members who care about you and your future. So I ask you today...please don’t be a 4.0 try-hard. Don’t be that kid. Be the kid who couldn’t ask for a better college experience.

See What Sticks: 3 Must-Haves for Change at Work

Work.Leadership.College.JobSearchAt first glance, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Steve Fainaru's League of Denial seems to be a book about the NFL's insufficiently addressed concussion problem. And it is, in the most literal sense, about that. But it's also about the role of passionate and knowledgeable people in speaking up to create change. As addressed in the introduction, the NFL is a $5 billion enterprise. An organization that massive doesn't turn any more quickly than a full-speed cruise ship would, and it takes a lot to compel each to stop and take notice. But with the right ingredients, a select few individuals were able to make a gigantic corporation pay attention to something very serious. And their essentials for success could apply to your organization as well, even if it's not as big. I strongly encourage you read the book, even if you have little interest in football- you'll learn a lot about the power of conviction, talent, and the stories of iconic figures in society. Say you have something at work that doesn't feel right. Maybe it's a process that needs updating, or a transaction that looks a little fishy. You might not even have proof. It might just feel wrong. That is what we call a hunch, and it was essential to Dr. Bennet Omalu, the Nigerian coroner who presided over the autopsy of former Pittsburgh Steeler and Kansas City Chief Mike Webster. In 2002, Webster reportedly died of heart failure at 50. All prior test results had confirmed this, and there was therefore, scientifically, allegedly no reason to look at his brain. But Omalu felt like something could be there. He ordered that his assistant "fix" the brain, meaning prepare it for dissection. What he found upon further exploration set off a firestorm of conversation about the nature of football, its contribution to depression and dementia, and the NFL's role in warning players about the risks associated with the sport.

It's not uncommon to have situations at work that we suspect are a little off. But many people brush them aside, assuming it's not their place to further investigate, or even wish away the thought for fear of what they might find. Without Omalu's conviction to dig deeper into his hunch, discussion on the NFL's concussion crisis would have taken far longer to surface. What injustices, danger, or inefficiencies could your hunch uncover? And on a lighter note, what solutions could you find once a problem or concern in clearly identified?

Many of Omalu's initial allies were fellow scientists- neuroscientists, psychologist, internists, and others in the medical community. But an unlikely ally surfaced for Omalu's cause- a sports agent.

For those who have seen the 1996 film Jerry Maguire, you may recall a scene where a hockey player wakes up in a hospital, surrounded by his family and Jerry. He is clearly suffering from concussion symptoms, but Jerry seems undeterred in his efforts to get him back on the ice. After he leaves the room, the hockey player's young son follows him and admonishes him for taking his dad's safety so lightly. This interaction seems to spark a change in Jerry, and from there he creates his famous "mission statement" that takes his career down a new path.

What many may not know, however, is that this scene is based in some truth. Leigh Steinberg, sports agent for legendary players such as Troy Aikman, is the actual agent upon which some of Jerry Maguire is based. The scene is based on an interaction that Steinberg had in 1993 with Aikman after the latter awoke. Aikman asked Steinberg, "Leigh, why am I here? Did I play? Did I play well?" Steinberg answered his questions, and let him know that his phenomenal play would take his team to the Super Bowl the following week. He answered them again, five minutes later, when Aikman asked him again with no recollection of the prior exchange. And again, five minutes after that, when Aikman's short term memory was clearly continuing to fail him. "It terrified me," Steinberg confesses in the book. "I saw how tenous the bond was between consciousness and dementia and realized that this young man who I cared for and loved was sitting alone as a result of a concussion and we had no idea what the consequences were."

By Sunday, Aikman was coasting through the Cowboys' 30-13 blowout of the Buffalo Bills. A year later, he remembered almost none of it.

For Steinberg, it wasn't much of a victory. He had become convinced that he was guiding his clients to ruination. He had reached his own turning point.

"I'm an enabler," he thought to himself. "That's all I'm doing."

From here, Steinberg dedicated himself to the cause of learning about the long-term effects of concussions, and later spreading the word about these dangers to players across the League. While the reviews of his informational sessions about these concerns were mixed (and weighed heavily on the negative), he didn't give up. His dedication to stopping the enabling in the League around this issue pushed him to keep researching, keep speaking up, and providing credibility to later occurrences of similar symptoms and illnesses.

Could you, conceivably, rally all of your strength around a cause to which you're not committed? Maybe. But it's far easier when you feel a natural passion for the cause at hand. This doesn't always come naturally, as one might expect when in the workplace. But in those instances, I recommend a strategy from Patrick Lencioni, author of The Three Signs of a Miserable Job. According to Lencioni,

Everyone needs to know their job matters, to someone. Anyone. Without seeing the connection between the work and the satisfaction of another person or group of people, an employee simply will not find fulfillment. Even the most cynical employees need to know that their work matters to someone [...]*

Should you be called to be a change agent for something you don't fully buy into, keep the above paragraph in mind. When you do your job well, who benefits? When you do it poorly, who does it hurt? And, for the record, the answer to both of those is allowed to be you! If that's not enough (and that's okay too), think harder about what you do, and who ultimately sees the end product. It'll help you find purpose in the change you're working to create.

Now you have a hunch that something needs to change, and you've summoned the energy with which to attack the issue at hand. What else is needed? The right environment to plan your approach. For the scientists and advocates for NFL head safety, this place was Pittsburgh. More than being the home of Primanti Brothers sandwiches and comedian Steve Byrne, and more than the setting for Flashdance, Pittsburgh was where a great deal of support for the research done on concussions came from. When a pair of doctors named John Maroon and Mark Lovell joined forces in 1993 to create a head injury evaluation test (which later evolved into the ImPACT test used on sidelines today), twenty-seven Pittsburgh Steelers were among the first guinea pigs for the protocol. And while they were not greeted with open arms any more than the other individuals we've mentioned previously, the environment they were in allowed them to look more closely at some of the concerns they had. Further, when players did start to speak up about some of these concerns, several of them came from Pittsburgh (including the man whose damage-addled brain set off the firestorm around concussions, Mike Webster). These players had seen the deterioration of their colleagues and friends, and had a greater awareness of some of the causes. They used that influence not to stay silent, but to speak up about the dangers that their peers in the 29 other NFL cities were subject to.

It is a distinct possibility that the environment in which you work will not be the one that supports you as you attempt to create change. Sometimes those around you are prepared to move toward a new way of doing things. But sometimes they're not. "What then?", you may be asking.

To that, I would encourage you to find an alternative  support system. Coffeehouses and bookstores are full of people with big ideas- if you can't work toward change at the office, consider carving out time for yourself to frequent those places. They're havens of creativity, and you'll never starve in one, either! And what of human support systems? Maybe you have friends who work in other industries that can ask you the tough questions, or even the silly ones that you might not think to address because of all the "assumed knowledge" we sometimes take for granted when we're in an insular environment. Or maybe you have friends who work in similar environments who have seen changes such as the ones you're proposing work, and can provide guidance on how to propose it. Or maybe your support comes from family members who unfailingly carry pompoms as you struggle to find the value in your work. In all of these instances, you can find the push to keep working for what you believe in from the people around you, not just your boss or immediate colleagues.

Change can be hard to create, especially when it seems the weight of the organization is moving away from what you're hoping to accomplish. But there are ways to make it happen. By following your hunches, finding and reinforcing your dedication, and working in an environment supportive of your work, it'll be a little bit easier to speak up about what you see, and hopefully change will be on the way.

* Lencioni, P. (2007). The three signs of a miserable job. Retrieved 30 Mar 2014 from http://www.tablegroup.com/books/signs/media/Three_Signs_Model.pdf